Facing the Lion
Don't know why I've taken to be nocturnal.
My thoughts aren't running
Wild like gazelles on a wide field,
Bored of the wilderness,
Even though fear chases me-
Like a Lion,sprinting
Faster than the speed of Light;
As if it would devour the whole of me.
But this night's silence-
Deafening and powerful,
Protects me...
Like an invisible blanket;
Helps me face this Lion.
I am looking right at its eyes-
Staring at me with Vengeance,
As it precipitates.
Yet,I stare right back at those eyes
With all sublimity.
My body, zen like...
But my insides tremor
A little with each second
Here I am,
Not unfazed.
But not ready to burn out
Like my last cigarette.
And, off guard-
A miracle happens.
I feel the dark shadows fading
As the seconds tick away...
I feel it evaporating,
Receding faintly;
It slips away into Nothingness
As dawn greets me with a smile,
"Good morning!"
My thoughts aren't running
Wild like gazelles on a wide field,
Bored of the wilderness,
Even though fear chases me-
Like a Lion,sprinting
Faster than the speed of Light;
As if it would devour the whole of me.
But this night's silence-
Deafening and powerful,
Protects me...
Like an invisible blanket;
Helps me face this Lion.
I am looking right at its eyes-
Staring at me with Vengeance,
As it precipitates.
Yet,I stare right back at those eyes
With all sublimity.
My body, zen like...
But my insides tremor
A little with each second
Here I am,
Not unfazed.
But not ready to burn out
Like my last cigarette.
And, off guard-
A miracle happens.
I feel the dark shadows fading
As the seconds tick away...
I feel it evaporating,
Receding faintly;
It slips away into Nothingness
As dawn greets me with a smile,
"Good morning!"
First the positives:
ReplyDelete1. Keeping the body of the poem in tune with the title was a really good job
2. The continuity in line with the theme was great
3. Your apt use of vocab is awesome
4. Great use of punctuation marks; even celebrated poets don't really know how to use it.
5. Awesome use of imagery
Now The little niggling points :)
1. The fluidity of your piece is average; one can't pinpoint it's rhythm
2. Try using a graphical entity to portray ur emotions; adds more allure especially to the amateur readers.
All in all, I think it is an excellent piece